You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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