Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
