Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
