i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
