The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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