If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
