Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
