Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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