Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
