Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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