I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
