I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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