I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Less talking, more tequila
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
