You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
