I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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