he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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