i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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