Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
