it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
