I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
