No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
