I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
