My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
