I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
