Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he told me I talked like a deaf person
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
