Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
