You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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