Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
