Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
