I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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