I just cut my nipple shaving
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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