you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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