i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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