I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Randomize
