It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
my being single is dangerous.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
