I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
