feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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