i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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