That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
