I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
dude i'm inner monologue high
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
