I just made out with a guy for $7.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I don't deserve a penis
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
