i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
