i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
