Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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