I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
