I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
