If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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