I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I need a beard to bite.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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