I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
