the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I can't turn off my feet"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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