He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I came so hard my ears popped.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
please don't ironically join a cult
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