It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize