i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
