i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
So squirting runs in the family.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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